Pharisees

The Pharisees were never trying to be bad guys, they just wanted to make sure they had rules drawn up as a guard so no one could accidentally leave God's morals. Their goal most likely had less to do with legalism and more to do with clarity. 100 simple rules for righteousness. And they did have a good precedent: God himself set up some very specific rules in the law.

But the laws repeated throughout all of Scripture have less to do with actions and more to do with heart. Love the Lord your God. Love your neighbor as yourself. Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. Defend the rights of the poor and needy. Care for the orphan and the widow.

Where Jesus and the Pharisees disagreed were when their rules missed the point of God's laws. Resting on the Sabbath does not mean disregarding the needs of others. Washing your hands does not determine the state of your soul. Jesus had some radical teachings, but he also had a lot of common sense when it come to how we should act. We all have an idea of what it means to be a good person, and a lot of it falls fairly squarely into Jesus's instructions. Don't be a hypocrite. Love people regardless of their station in life. But it went beyond that. Love those who hate you. Love God more than yourself, and love all else equally with yourself. Those step beyond the common sense "good" person qualities we have in our minds. Because really, aiming for "goodness" does not mean much until we realize that God is Good. Once God comes front and center, the rest of the Bible and its instructions begin to fall more clearly in place.

But even so, it is tempting to go and "clarify" some teachings by adding guard rules about them (they're like guard rails, but rules). Don't be a Pharisee. If our lives had more honest mistakes and less hypocrisy, if our love had more patience and less conditions, if our mind and hearts focused more on the source of goodness than the technicalities of it, perhaps fewer "good" people would be attacking the church, and instead be drawn to it. Perhaps fewer of the needy would feel like the church hated them, and learn instead how Jesus went to the prostitutes and the tax collectors--the Jews that had betrayed their own people. Perhaps the hurting could see the church as a place of healing. Perhaps we could work together and better act as the body of Christ.

Obedience is key to faith in Christ. But double check what you are obeying: God's word, or the Pharisees' how to book for God's word.

Empathy and Encouragement

Empathy is very important I believe. While I'm not sure I entirely agree with the definition of sympathy in this video, I think it gets the message of empathy across very well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

Empathy is feeling WITH people. Not just trying to patch up their feelings, but understanding their feelings, feeling with them. "What makes something better is connection" says the video, and I believe that. I myself am a very empathetic person, and since it is one of my strengths I want to believe that there is no way empathy can go wrong. Other virtues could be warped, but empathy? Empathy can bring nothing bring nothing but good things, connecting with people is essential, and it is enough...right?

But perhaps empathizing is not always enough. Perhaps sometimes it can make people feel justified in their hurt, and feed darker feelings of bitterness. I'm not saying that we should stop empathizing, but we shouldn't stop with just that. Letting people know they are not alone is important, but so is encouraging them. Yes, it is perfectly normal to be angry and confused when you are hurt. Getting hurt is normal, but growing past the hurt is healthy.

Weep with those who weep. There is a time for mourning, there is a time for pain; let people have that time. Trying to get someone who has fallen and broken their leg to get up and walk right away is cruel and will only hurt them worse. But setting the bone, letting it heal, and being their crutch while the muscle is still returning is a greater kindness than merely relating to their pain. Healing can hurt, but it is a step you should encourage people to take.

Empathy is essential, but perhaps it is not sufficient. Climb down into people's dark places with them like the video said, but pull a Samwise Gamgee and be ready to carry them out if need be. Jesus went out into a world full of pain, bitterness and evil, he befriended the lowest of the low and ventured into the dark corners people are afraid to go, but he brought a light with him. What am I saying, He IS the light.

I know when I'm hurt and people give me advice and try to cheer me up I generally reject them.  But when people have been through my experiences and are willing to hurt with me, I am more likely to look to them for answers once I am ready to move past my mourning stage. Because of their empathy, some people have a greater influence than those who merely have advice. Don't waste that influence. Use it for good.

People need connection. But they also need encouragement. Start with empathy, but don't stop there.

Works vs. Faith: My Understanding of It

"By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit." 

Matthew 7:16-17

When you put your faith in Jesus, God essentially changes your nature from being a thornbush to a grapevine. If you keep producing thorns instead of fruit, then something's up. 

What do I mean by thorns?

"Sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like."

Galatians 5:19b-21a

What do I mean by fruit?

"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control." 

Galatians 5:22-23a

You cannot change your own nature through your actions. Deeds cannot save you. Paul was right when he said: "For it is by grace you are saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." [Ephesians 2:8]. But when God saves us, He remakes us, and consequently that changes our actions. Good works do not come before faith, rather they are a result of faith.

 Before Paul got into clarifying that faith is what comes first, before James got into clarifying that works are not irrelevant, Jesus summed it up pretty nicely: 

"By their fruit you will recognize them."

Matthew 7:20

Just because your deeds cannot save you doesn't mean they don't matter. 

A Short Post for Once

Life isn't boring.
Being bored is a choice you make, and it's not a choice worth making.
It's not about whether making a change is worth the effort, but about whether being bored is worth wasting your life.
If you decided to make a change, even if you don't know what it is yet, you will find a way. People can accomplish great things when they put their minds to it. Don't waste that potential by being bored.

A Tribute to Samwise Gamgee

Samwise Gamgee is the friend we all need.

Sam was a homebody. To leave the Shire at all was out of his comfort zone. He was homesick after just a few days of being in Rivendell, the only place outside the Shire he had ever wanted to go. Sam was not an adventurer. Sam was not a traveller even. But when Frodo volunteered to take the Ring to Mordor, Sam had no second thoughts about sticking with him.

I made a promise Mr. Frodo. "Don't you
leave him, Samwise Gamgee."
And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.

When Frodo decided his very presence would be harmful to his friends, he sought to isolate himself. And they all allowed him to; it wouldn't have been their first decision, and it was a hard decision to make, but they all allowed him to. Except Sam.

And when Frodo loses hope and purpose, who is it but Sam to get him back on track.

When Frodo is so bogged down by the Ring he can barely move, Sam offers to take on this burden, even though he has seen the horrible things it can do to a person. Frodo, consumed by the Ring, misinterprets Sam's offer. Not long after Gollum convinces him to leave Sam. But even though Sam has been scorned and abandoned by the very friend he has sacrificed so much for, as soon as Frodo is in need Sam is right back risking his life for him without a thought of a grudge.




Sam does begrudgingly take the Ring  to complete the mission when he thinks Frodo is dead, but as soon as he discovers Frodo is still alive, he risks his life and the mission for the sake of his friend.




After all of this, even though Sam is exhausted and has had hardly any water for days and has been receiving little to no support from Frodo, he knows that Frodo is bearing the greater burden. And as much as he wants to help, he realizes at this point even taking the Ring away from Frodo wouldn't help anything. It has wormed its way into Frodo's mind and degenerated his character, and the only way Frodo can be free is for the Ring to be destroyed. I believe the almost super-human strength Sam shows taking those last few steps are not for the fate of Middle Earth, but for Frodo.



Even after seeing Frodo give in to the power of the Ring completely, Sam still seeks to keep him safe even though they are inside an exploding volcano. Only once the Ring is destroyed, only once Sam has done everything he he possibly could to save Frodo does he break down.

"If ever I was to marry someone, it would be her. It would be her."

It is here that we are reminded again of who Sam is. A homebody. Someone who just wants to garden and get married. We see Sam as so much of a hero we forget how heroic he really is. He's not a hero because he helps get the Ring to Mordor, he's a hero because he gave up any chance for his dream of a simple life. He was missing his home, was missing the girl he loved, all while starving and dying of thirst and fighting off orcs, and he never once complained. Just because Frodo carried the greatest burden, did not mean Sam had none of his own.

Sam wasn't concerned if the relationship was equal, or if Frodo was treating him right. He knew Frodo was broken, and he sought to protect and heal him. Note that Frodo was not in any way manipulating Sam. I do not think Tolkien would  have in any way advocated an unequal and abusive relationship. The relationship was unequal because Frodo was broken; the issue was not that he would not, he could not give Sam more than he did. Frodo loved Sam as much as he could. And Sam responded with unconditional love without a thought to his own self-interest.

There are times we all abandon hope, we all make bad decisions, and we push people away from us because we have given up on ourselves. It's in those times we need a Sam, someone who will stick with us even when we don't want them to, even when we don't want to be with ourselves. But I don't think the point of Frodo's and Sam's relationship is to inspire us to find a friend like Sam, but rather to be a friend like Sam, to love unconditionally, regardless of what we are getting in return.

Worth

Some days it's easy to slip into despair it seems. It's easy to doubt the love of those around you and whether or not your life serves a purpose. It's easy to think about the needs in your life that are not being fulfilled, and then immediately doubt whether your needs are real or whether you're just needy. It's easy to think that maybe you're going crazy, that you will make everyone you love miserable just by being alive. And you feel miserable because you don't know what to do, and you don't know how to do it or why. 

Today I had such a day. 

I was at work, pondering the worth of living. After a few months of working at a nursing home, death doesn't seem like such a bad thing anymore. Some of the residents tell me they wish they were dead every morning when they wake up. Others lay incapacitated in their beds, tongues lolling out of their mouths, no control over their limbs and totally incapable of speech except to repeat a single word or phrase such as "cold" or "Lord help me." No amount of blankets or aid can silence their moans. They have the best of care, but it still doesn't seem to help. 

But some residents still have a gusto for life, and the more lively ones delight to come to bingo. It was during one of these bingo games that my depressed mind spiraled down into despair. Once the game ended I began to wheel the residents back to their rooms, and as the blood coursed through my veins my thoughts accelerated. There I was at the beginning of my life surrounded by people at the end of theirs, wondering if it was worth sojourning the years in between. Was anything I was doing worth anything? 

I had just returned a resident to his room when I heard a voice call behind me. I turned around to see another old man wheeling himself out of his room. 

"I thought it was you." He said. 

"Hi Stan," I replied. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing well, I just wanted to say hello. I'm nice and toasty now." He grinned, motioning to the thick winter coat he was wearing. 

"Well that's good, it's been awfully cold outside."

"Yes, yes. I'm very glad I've met you. You're a wonderful, kind, and friendly young woman and a delight to be with."

"Thank you Stan. The same to you."

"Well thank you. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thank you Stan, you have a good night."

"Thank you, you too."

I turned around as my eyes began tearing up. Right there, a little old man had told me my life was worth it, had told me I was wrong in thinking I was nothing but a misery to myself and those around me, had wheeled himself out of his room just to make sure I heard it. 

"Thank you God." I prayed silently as I went back to the activity room to take more residents back to their rooms. The services I performed were small, but they were not worthless. Stan's words were few, but they were not worthless. I had always known that every life is precious, but sometimes a lurking doubt overwhelms that knowledge. And sometimes a simple act of appreciation can reveal it again. I can do good, and I am not going to throw away that opportunity. I have a purpose here, and I am not going to abandon it. 

God does not make garbage, and he does not abandon His children without direction and the strength they need. Some days it's easy to slip into despair, but it does not mean the doubts that whisper into your ears are right, and it does not mean you are crazy for having such doubts. Do not confuse perfection and worth. We all are screwed up, but we all have worth too. Mistakes can never decrease your worth. You did not earn your worth, you cannot lose it either.  But you can keep living, and living with integrity even in small tasks. Who knows, even the simplest kindness to an old man can come back to bless you on a despairing day. 

Victories that Cripple

I'm feeling pretty happy and in love right now, but I'm not going to go around broadcasting that information flippantly. Why? Because just a couple of months ago I felt anything but in love. My boyfriend hadn't become a worse person since we started dating, I wasn't being treated badly, but the positive emotions were gone and there were days I couldn't stand the thought of him. I knew in my mind that he was a great guy, that he was worthy of love and our relationship was worth pursuing, but my emotions were not hopping on board. I thought I had failed. I had had my shot at young love, it lasted strongly for about half a year, then it faded. I thought that was it. I thought our relationship was dysfunctional, that any chance at being "in love" again was gone.

That will probably sound ridiculous to anyone who is not currently in such a situation, but how was I to know otherwise? People don't air their dirty laundry in public. How was I to know such struggles were surmountable, even natural if other couples wouldn't admit to them? I felt alone and like a failure because of the lack of honesty of others. I'm sure other couples have their emotionally dark points. I mean after all, it's emotions we're talking about here, there's a lot of ebb and flow. But no one posts about anything other than their victories, and  with every "in love" post on Facebook I became more convinced it was a failure on my part instead of realizing it was common battle than could be fought and won.

During that time I also had singles share their victories with me. I know it is difficult for a young single woman to accept being single and be content in it. Insecurities about singleness is something I struggled with before I dated, and any victory over it is indeed laudable for anyone. But as I sat and listened to the young woman in front of me rave about the freedom of her single life and how she couldn't imagine being in a relationship because it would tie her down too much, my own jealousy and insecurities grew. She didn't want to be stuck in a relationship, she wanted "to do something with her life". Well guess what, I wanted to do something with my life too, and setting up relationships as the enemy of a meaningful, useful life wasn't exactly decreasing my doubts in my own seemingly crumbling situation. The reasons she had found for being happy single were adding to the pile of reasons I had to be unhappy in a relationship. I knew it was by no means a personal jab at me, and I tried not to take it personally, but it reinforced my belief I was alone in my misery.

These people had no idea how their own joy and confidence was eroding mine away with every gushing rant they gave. We are all so focused on defeating our own insecurities we seldom consider how it may effect others.

In middle school I went through a few years of doubt about my faith. It was very dramatic, probably because I was in middle school. All the Christians I knew would talk about their joy and peace and hope, and I was just depressed. I believed in God for sure and I loved Him a lot, but everyone talked about the assurance they found in this pervading sense of peace or joy. There did not seem to be enough room in Christianity for the depression I had or the curiosity to know more instead of just "believing in faith". Many nights I would collapse on my bedroom floor and just sob as quietly as I could, knowing God could hear and hoping my parents couldn't. What was I doing wrong? Was I not a good Christian or a real Christian because I didn't get the positive feelings others did? Did it mean I hadn't fully accepted God's love because I still had this fear of His wrath? But I also had a fear of being told my sadness and doubts were impossible for a real Christian and that somehow I had failed, so I shared these feelings with no one but God, not knowing how many may have gone through my same struggles. 

If people cultivated deeper relationships that were based on honesty instead of just giving highlights to their acquaintances, most of these scenarios could probably have been prevented. I know that none of these people would dream of hurting anyone, which is exactly why I'm writing this. I myself have unintentionally injured many, and I was horrified when I found out. If you have a victory, that is awesome, you go! Just be aware of who you share them with. If you really want someone to know, then call them! Have coffee! Social networking has its time and place, but we often end up broadcasting less than half the real story to dozens of people who we really don't know. There's actually been quite a bit of discussion on whether or not Facebook can increase the chances of depression because only the positive is shared, making the user feel as if their lives don't measure up. Here's just one article, but there are plenty more far more scholarly if you feel so inclined to look it up.

A little consideration would go a long way. If our first goal were to listen to our conversation partner instead of finding someone to listen to us, then we would better know what is appropriate to share. Some things are common sense; you probably shouldn't brag about weight loss in front of someone struggling with obesity or oogle google about your significant other around someone who just went through a breakup. If someone is struggling with something you once struggled with, encouragement and advice could be appropriate if the other seemed willing, but it should always be in consideration to what would help or harm the other and not focused on you.

All this to say, I don't think sharing your victories is a bad thing. I think it is a very good thing, but unless you put that victory in context to the battle you fought, you may just be convincing others they are alone in their own struggles. We all put on a nice front it seems, but everyone I actually become close friends with have admitted to deep struggles with various insecurities, despair, and doubt. And unfortunately they often also feel like they are alone during the times they most need companionship and guidance, even though we all go through similar experiences. I think a big part of the reason this is so prevalent is because no one wants to be the wet blanket, no one wants to be the first to admit their faults, and so we only share the good points.

Christians often talk about making sure they have "a good testimony". If they live their life good enough then people will be more attracted to Christ, right? But the thing about Christianity is that Christ heals, and we cannot be a display of that if we never show our scars/wounds. We are hypocrites if we pretend to have it all together, and we completely undermine the power of God. We need healing, and we aren't going to get it if everyone who has been healed goes around denying they were ever sick in the first place. "Good" people don't have effective testimonies, forgiven people do. God accepts the humble and turns away from the proud. There are a million reasons I am scared to admit my faults and insecurities, but they are all rooted in pride. Every time I read the Bible I become more and more convinced that pride is simply not a good enough reason to hide the truth.

So when people ask about my relationship I tell them it has had its ups and downs; simply saying "it's great!" would not be honest. I don't want to give any young girls unrealistic expectations that having a boyfriend means you'll feel in love always or that all the insecurities and longings you had before will suddenly be satisfied as he stares deeply into your eyes.

Life is hard. Relationships are hard, whether they are with people or God. They take a lot of work. They are also beautiful and confusing and thrilling and boring and messy and unique. But they are never so unique that no one will understand. If we shared our low moments as well as our high moments I think we would be amazed at just how not-alone we are. There are people who understand our pain and there are also those who have made it to the other side. If you are one of the ones on the other side of a pit, don't just tell everyone how happy you are. Tell them there is a way out of the pit and that it's worth it.